Little far, don’t you think?


Got a call earlier today from $contractor. They had apparently sent a part to a facility my team supports, but $contractor (who had a very thick Indian accent) was unable to get in touch with $localCIO to have them head to the front of the building to sign for it from $shippingCompany. I asked $contractor what I could do, on account of the fact that a) my department was a completely separate & autonomous entity from $localSite b) I lived approximately 1100 miles from $localSite c) if $contractor didn’t have any luck getting a hold of $localCIO, what luck would we have attempting the same, and d) no one at the Matrix was staffed at $localSite on the shift, so there was no way we could personally have someone find $localCIO and get the package.

$contractor was still insistent I find $localCIO right there and then because$deliveryDriver wasn’t going to wait all day. I reiterated to $contractor that there was no way we could get in touch with $localCIO if he didn’t want to pick up his phone or answer his email. $contractor then asked for my name and I put my foot down at that point, stating that asking for my name was useless, and reiterating that there was little if anything I or anyone on my team could do, since we were a separate department completely, and he asked if I could pick it up on $localCIO’s behalf. I simply said that unless they were willing to pay for my travel 1100 miles to the facility, I couldn’t exactly pick it up on $localCIO’s behalf, and not only that, in order to even call $localCIO, I’d have to get off the phone with $contractor. Not to mention the fact that I doubt the Uncle would approve of having a part critical to the operation of their IT infrastructure sent to a private residence.

Finally, $contractor got the hint and hung up with me.

I’m surrounded by idiots…


Today was easily the busiest day my department has ever seen in its 4 years of existence. There were no actual emergencies or site outages, but we easily did 3 times our normal daily ticket volume. One call I got was from a Tier 1 Desk Monkey supervisor, who told me of an outage and gave me the ticket number. Immediately I noticed a problem with the ticket… it had already been closed. I confirmed the ticket number and asked her to confirm that this really was for the outage in question. She confirmed that it was, and at that point I let her have it. I asked her if she had actually bothered to check the ticket prior to calling me because the local tech had already closed it… two days ago.

She refreshed the ticket and began stuttering, stammering and falling over her words. I told her the local tech who fixed the problem was quite thorough in his notes and I recommended to the Desk Monkey supervisor that perhaps, instead of just calling us to dump a work order on us that was obviously meant for the local site anyway, to check the ticket first to see what was going on with it.

Information breakdown



The other day, my department chief sent an email out to us, asking to have someone take a look at a bunch of tickets. In short, the Tier 1 Desk Monkeys claimed we didn’t do our jobs because we failed to work on these tickets and create Outage Notifications for them. I took the email and pretty quickly saw a pattern… over 90% of the tickets had bypassed my group completely, and we had no knowledge the tickets even existed. Most of the remaining 10% had the Outage Notification number listed in the very first sentence of the ticket. Of the list of over 200 tickets sent, only 1 was one we were notified of and had worked, and it was questionable at best whether the ticket in question deserved an Outage Notification as it involved a single nurse being unable to get to a website that had nothing to do with her job, and was even lowered to a Low Priority by the night shift person who worked it, stating that it could wait until the local techs came in for work in the AM.

I replied back to our chief with the information, along with notes for every single ticket, stating that all but one of the tickets they were trying to throw us under the bus for, either never came to our attention, or already had the very thing they claimed we never did. And in the case of the former, I rather bluntly stated in my reply that it’s a little difficult for our team to work on a ticket that we never even knew existed. In the latter case, I also was rather direct in stating whether they even bothered to check the tickets, since the Outage Notification number was right there in the very first sentence of the ticket, but they were trying to claim we never did one for the ticket.

My chief was very thankful for the info and passed it along to the Desk Monkeys, and is basically one more nail in their coffin, as it pretty much proves just how useless they are, when they don’t even bother to check their own information, check their own tickets they create for info, or do their jobs really…

Sure, I’ll get right on that…

Today, I got a call from a Tier 1 Desk Monkey stating a user needed their account set up, and they gave me the ticket number. I immediately noticed a rather glaring problem…

The user freely admitted he had once been an employee at the site some 8 years prior, but just decided to stop by to help out. Note that said facility is a federal building and this user had to (presumably) got through a couple checkpoints to get to the office, but the fact he just decided to show up after 8 years gone and magically expected to be able to request an account with full access to $patientDatabase and everything else was several steps beyond ludicrous. Even funnier was when he insisted I create his accounts immediately, I simply told him “So, you want me to violate the law, risk getting fired, violate HIPAA, and several other things, all because you, on your own admission and on a whim, came in after 8 years to “help out”? Sorry, but the rules are there for a very good reason, and I’ve already added this information to the ticket for $facilityDirector to review. Have a nice day.” *click*

Guess you didn’t get the memo…


Today, I got a call from a Tier 3 Desk Monkey, stating a site was experiencing a major disruption and they wanted it elevated to my level for support. The Desk Monkey stated (and I quote), “A fax machine is down, and they’re claiming it affects patient care & want it fixed immediately.” I almost spit out my water when I heard that. I had to get the Desk Monkey to explain to me why a single person experiencing a problem with a single fax machine was of sufficient merit to warrant a call to Tier 3 Region-level support. He said the user dropped the “patient care” phrase, and even if it’s a bald-faced lie, they have to proceed with it. He went on to say the user was trying to send a fax to a number and the number was busy, so he called support, claiming it was a patient care issue. To his credit, when the Desk Monkey asked what the user was sending, the user replied that he was faxing a takeout order to a local restaurant.

Yes, boys and girls, you read that right. A single user faxing a takeout order to a restaurant called for help when the number was busy, instead of… oh, I dunno, calling the restaurant to place the order, or using this handy-dandy thing we know as the Internet to place an order online, and then claiming this was a patient care issue when their fax couldn’t get through. Guess they didn’t get the memo that we now live in the 21st century…

Vurt da Furk?


Today, a former coworker of mine emailed me and told me a local tech was having some kind of trouble with a website, so I quickly replied back “What’s the URL?”

His response: “The website is slow”… not the URl, not any other piece of pertinent info, just that some website somewhere in some part of the Internet was slow… And mind you, the person who emailed me was supposedly hired for his networking expertise…

What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate…


Earlier today, we were notified by the Tier 1 Desk Monkeys that one of the sites had a fire in their server room, taking out half the systems with it in the room. The other half went soon after when the afore-mentioned fire damage caused an electrical arc, blowing out the remaining systems. Less than two minutes later, another Tier 1 Desk Monkey called us to ask whether we were putting in an emergency notification.

About 15 minutes after I had put it in, I got a call from one of the Tier 1 Desk Monkey supervisors, asking me whether a ticket or emergency notification had been submitted. He could literally hear me facepalm, and asked what as wrong. I told him one of his underlings had called us 15 minutes earlier to notify us that a ticket had been put in, and that I had already put the notification in, putting his group on the email push for that. I didn’t think I could hear someone’s face turn red with embarrassment before, but I swear I could hear his face turning beet red. I also wondered to myself how on $deity’s green Earth these people can function when they seemingly don’t communicate with each other, especially for something as major as a whole site’s IT infrastructure going down due to fire.

The coup de grace to this, another Tier 1 Desk Monkey put in a separate emergency notification, then called us to inform us of it. When they were told by my coworker (who took their call) one was already in, they asked US to close the duplicate they had JUST created FOR them. My coworker asked why they couldn’t do so themselves when they had just created it, and their response was the classic “That’s not my job!”

And people wonder why I don’t want to be asked computer questions when I’m of work….

It never fails…


Even when I’m celebrating my birthday at the House of Mouse for several days, and despite telling them specifically not to call me for such things for the duration of the trip, I still get a phone call from my parents asking me for tech support.

$parents call and say the Intarwebz are down and asking what to do, whether they should ask the neighbors if theirs are down and if they even have the same ISP as us. I groan and tell them to power cycle the modem & router, but no, my dad won’t let me off the phone, despite being about to walk in to do a meet & greet. I tell him what to do, and about 10 minutes later, get a FB message saying the power cycle fixed everything. Oh yes, and no birthday messages on the Book of Faces, texts, etc., to just wish me a happy b-day from the parentals. Guess they misinterpreted the “don’t call me for free tech support while I’m on vacation away from doing tech support” request as “don’t call me for anything”.

Now bear in mind, this isn’t the first time (in more ways than one), I’ve been called whilst at Disney for tech support from the parentals, nor has it been the first time I’ve been called on my birthday for such things. The only reason I leave my phone on is because, quite frankly, the soul-crushing, psassive-aggressive guilt of “but what if it’s an emergency” “but what if someone’s dying” “but we just want to talk to you” and so on is far more of an irritation to me. That and the earful I get from the rants (note the plural form of the word) I’ve been on the receiving end, wherein my father goes on in excruciating detail about just how much he hates leaving voicemails for people is equally as irritating.